I Feel Like I'm Going To Die
by SeptemberEnds911
Summary: A knock cut through the heavy silence in the apartment. Kurt jumped out of his skin and his eyes refocused from where they had been gazing at the bottle of pills and alcohol standing on the table in front of him. Warnings: thoughts of suicide, language


**Author's Note: **So, yep. This takes place after the breakup. When Kurt said he felt like he was going to die, this just kind of popped into my head. I've been a Kurtbastian shipper for a while now, I'm just finally writing something. I hate canon Blaine, but I love fanfiction Blaine, so that's why I like Klaine, but it's just kind of dead after canon Blaine fucked things up.

I hope this is good, it being my first Kurtbastian fic.

A knock cut through the heavy silence in the apartment. Kurt jumped out of his skin and his eyes refocused from where they had been gazing at the bottle of pills and alcohol standing on the table in front of him. He knew that it couldn't be Rachel; she could be out late with some friends, a night out to sing and relax from the emotional roller coaster Finn had put her through.

The knocking continued persistently, so Kurt lifted himself from the couch the legs of his sweats fell past his bare feet, dragging a few inches on the ground as he padded across the room.

Kurt opened the door, breath catching in surprise when he saw Sebastian on the other side.

They had crossed each other's path a few times after Kurt moved to New York and they found themselves not latching at one another's throats as they had often done in high school. Sebastian had been true to his word on trying to be a better person after seeing the consequences of his actions and he had matured as a person.

After more than a handful of run ins they made it more scheduled. Stopping at the same coffee chop and bakery in the early morning before Kurt ran off to work and Sebastian off to school (he was studying law, much to Kurt's astonishment, and, secretly, to his admiration). Then, there were the last night runs for sweets. Their chats were nearly always friendly, sometimes braced with debate (Kurt really wished Sebastian would just take his advice when it came to fashion).

Kurt had even told Sebastian about his break up with Blaine, but he didn't disclose the exact reason. Only that they were growing apart and the separation and distance was too much, even for them.

So, it came as a surprise that Sebastian would be at his apartment.

"Hey, Sebastian," Kurt greeted, trying to bring some emotion into his voice, wincing inside when it didn't come out right, "What are you doing here?" He asked, subconsciously pulling on the sleeves of the sweater he was wearing. It was big and loose, falling off one shoulder, (he was pretty sure it used to be his dads) exposing pale skin and Kurt liked wearing it when he wasn't feeling his best.

"You weren't answering my texts, or my phone calls," Kurt had turned his phone off, he didn't want to be talked out of anything, "So, I thought I would brave public transportation into the dark side of town," Sebastian smirked, less like a meerkat these days and more genuinely amused, until it fell slightly when he caught the look on Kurt's face, "Are you going to let me in?"

Kurt opened the door all of the way, moving aside to let Sebastian walk inside.

"Not too bad," Sebastian observed, "I see you got your hands all over this," he mentioned, gesturing to the furnishings, "I don't see how you could live with Berry though."

"She's not so bad anymore," Kurt defended, "New York has been good for her, and she at least knows how to do the dishes and laundry."

"Yeah, I don't see you doing so well with someone who can't keep up with your Nancy Neatness," the comment had Kurt letting out a shadow of a smile. Sebastian counted it as a small victory.

"So, what did you need to talk to me about," Kurt asked, deliberately hovering away from and in front of the table in their makeshift living room.

Sebastian shrugged and talked around, still drawing everything in, "Rachel was a little worried about leaving you alone tonight. I placated her with the texts, but when you didn't answer-" He hesitated, eyes landing on the bottle of pulls and alcohol laid out. He swallowed, "You weren't answering so I thought I might as well grace you with my charming presence."

Kurt smiled thinly, miss what Sebastian had seen, too preoccupied trying to conceal the evidence, "I think you're still delusional from your high school escapades Seb," He said, using the nickname he had adopted.

"So, what's going on with this," Sebastian gestured to the pills and alcohol, "Last time we talked you said you were doing fine."

Kurt was fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater. Sebastian wasn't speaking harshly, not yet anyways, just direct and to the point.

"I'm-" the words caught in his throat. Kurt wanted to say them; he could normally say them anytime he needed to. He tried again, "I'm okay-"

Sebastian walked over to the table, taking hold of the pulls and brought them up to eye level, "God-dammit Kurt does this look 'okay' to you?" His voice was raised and had an edge to it.

Kurt was trying to hold himself together, arms wrapped tightly around his body, shaking and forced himself not to cry.

Sebastian took a deep breath and spoke calmly, "You were going to kill yourself Kurt," his voice broke, he couldn't lose Kurt, "Rachel was going to come home and find you dead and have to call me, your dad, everyone and tell them that you're dead," Kurt was openly crying now, tears running down his face, one hand pressed firmly across his mouth, trying to hold it in, "Just tell me why. Fuck, Kurt, Why?"

"I-I can't fight anymore," Kurt whispered, his voice raw, "I can't. I've had to fight for everything, and I'm tired. Just so tired of it. I can't do it anymore. It hurts so much, and just when I think that everything is going my way, for once in my life, Blaine breaks up with me," Kurt let out a self-deprecating laugh, lazily brushing away tears off of his cheeks, "Worse than that, he _cheated_ on me because I wasn't there for him. A hook up he told me. I think that makes it even worse. He just couldn't wait for me like I did for him, instead he meets some random guy to have a fling with."

"Kurt-"

Kurt shook his head, "I can't fight against the world," Sebastian watched as Kurt deflates, his whole posture defeated, "I'm just so tired and I feel like I want to just sleep and dream forever."

Sebastian set down the bottle and guided Kurt to the couch and pulled him close to his side, holding Kurt close. He grabbed a throw blanket and laid it gently over Kurt's body, still shaking with hidden sobs.

"Kurt, it's okay, you can't let it out. Stop holding it all in before you break. You don't have to pretend," with his words, Kurt let a shuddering sob before he broke. He let the tears fall and his cries loose until his face was blotchy and red, eyes bloodshot and he was gasping for breath. Distantly Kurt could feel the warmth of Sebastian's body and the gentle rubbing on his back, in an attempt to soothe him.

When Kurt was settled down enough to be coherent, Sebastian maneuvered them so that they were face to face. Kurt was whipping his face down with his sleeve."

"I'm sorry, Sebastian-"

Sebastian shook his head, "Kurt, don't apologize. You needed a good crying jag, or whatever you want to call that. You needed it and just-" Sebastian caught himself.

"What?"

"You're right. You shouldn't have to fight so much. And fuck if you should fight more for someone who won't fight for you. You deserve so much better than that. You deserve someone to fight you Kurt."

Kurt was shaking his head, "Sebastian-"

"No," Sebastian cut in, "You do deserve it all. You're so amazing Kurt. You're passionate, forgiving, driven, loyal, and you love with everything in your heart. If anyone can't see you and immediately want to fight to keep you, then they aren't worth it."

He could see the hesitation, the disbelief in Kurt's eyes and Sebastian reacted. He went slowly at first, enough that if Kurt wanted to push him away, he could, but Kurt didn't and then Sebastian was kissing him. It was light, the soft press of lips, sliding together in a tender rhythm for a moment before the both pulled away.

"Everything is going to be better, okay? You won't have to fight if you don't want to, because I can pull my weight in that department. You won't have to lie anymore, I'm here."


End file.
